A blog for Summer 2015 NEiA Publication Design class with instructor, Coni Porter. The purpose is to offer faculty and peer feedback in a timely manner, allowing and encouraging the students to progress in a focused and productive way. As the semester ends, this class has produced 117 posts, 263 comments, and been viewed by over 5,000 internet readers. See the last group of postings below to view final student work: sample pages for the (fictional) Habitat Magazine: The Future of Food.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Tyler O'Brien - Rework & Design Brief
Hey all! I've updated my design brief and made adjustments to everything. Now that these are closer to completion, the feedback provided will be extra helpful in order to bring it all together. Thank you for any, and all suggestions!
The changes you have made speak so much better to your target audience! Nice work! The use of leading lines in the h and g in the word change in the spread works very nicely. Deleting the colored bars between images in that spread makes the design much more aesthetically appealing.
Some suggestions: In the department article, extend the white boxes to bleed off the image so trapped space is not created. Also, the "foresight" icon is a bit large and takes too much attention away from the rest of the article. Lastly, your color palette is clearly seen in the cover and feature spread. However, the image in your department article does not fit with the palette. Maybe try photoshopping it or choose a different image?
Tyler, nice work on applying your updates. I see you’ve made all the changes I remember hearing from the class. I want to start off by commenting on the feature (spread) redesign. I wasn’t happy when you received the message to remove the blue background behind the images, hence to remove the blue bars, but it works. The images visually have their separation without the use of added color blocks. I think this adds a nice margin of white space.
I recommend however considering the adjustment of leading on the verbiage, “how our eating habits will.” It’s the one spot my eyes get trapped. The typography seems to be struggling to compete with the vibrant white of “change.”
One last comment on the Feature, consider adding more space where your text his hitting the blue box in the middle. You’ve left a nice amount of white space between the images and the blue box, but the text appears to reach the blue box. You might want to consider stopping the text margin at the same point you stop the images.
As for your Cover and Department, I felt they might be ready to go. I don’t have any recommendations for those two at this time. I’ll defer that to my classmates.
I wasn't in class last week for the presentation, so I don't know what kind of feedback you got from the class. With that said, you have come a long way with your initial designs. I enjoy your color pallet because it is so different than what I think of when I I think "Habitat". I think it will engage your audience.
Cover- The first thing I noticed was that the cover does not incorporate your color palette at all. You chose not to use green in your palette, yet green is being used to highlight. I bet that orange you chose will look great in place of the green. Also, think about changing the girl's sweater color. But the way you chose to highlight the article titles is neat. Having images in the background helps the reader get a better glimpse of what the entire magazine is really about, in one quick look.
Spread- LOVE! I think it was the bright colors and the how you used the word "change" that caught my eye and made me want to read the article! I do have to agree with Michael, though. My eyessay got trapped when I read "How our eating habits will". I think because of the way the words are sitting on top of eachother. At first glance, my eyes just went to the word "change" and never read the first half of the title, and I think that's because you made thone world so insignificant compared to how you chose to highlight the word "change". ( I hope that makes sense).
Overall, your designs have come a long way! Great job!
I really enjoy the cover. The color balance is good and the design is very engaging. I think you might just need some more space in the bubble pictures. The text seems to be very close to the edge.
Tyler – I agree with the above comments, these layouts are now starting to come together into well-designed compositions. Some thoughts:
Design Brief – it’s worth looking at your color palette again, in relation to the pictures you have chosen. I really feel like, although your intention is to avoid green, your pictures can’t help but be based on green and orange. I don’t think you should avoid green for abstract reasons, when you may need it. Consider replacing the bright blue (which I don’t see in any pictures) with the green that I see on your cover. Embrace green – you can’t avoid it and still expect your colors to support the photos.
Cover – Great image of your audience. There is a comment above that suggests you use orange instead of green. But, if I’ve been successful in convincing you to replace the blue with the green… the green will make sense here. And, because they are green, the cut-lines appear to be “inside” the cover photo to some extent… exactly a clever way to work with them. However, the masthead gets lost – and using bright orange for this element (your focal point) might make all the sense in the world.
Department – Is the heading too large to sit where it sits? The “S” should really tumble down the angle of the white shape because it extends too far. Reduce it, and it will sit more logically in that place. The icon is way way way too big. That’s a great department title, but where can you place this so you’ll be able to repeat that placement in your other departments? This magnifying glass could actually into the page from a trim edge, or from the gutter of the magazine. Image – its placement and size seems a bit awkward. Have you tried to enlarge the tractor and hay wagon much larger, so both sides bleed off the page? After all – do we need to see the whole, entire thing? I don’t think so. Seeing, the back tires of the tractor and a few bales of hay – close up – might be a more interesting cropping of the image.
Feature – Replacing the bright blue with green will allow the photos to “sing” and be the focal point. Right now, the blue is actually brighter than your brightly colored photos – a waste of some good photos in my opinion. I really encourage you to update that color pallet to include green and not blue. You have set apart a “block quote” in orange at the bottom of the first page. If this were a column quote (a repeated use of a phrase) then you could possibly style it like this… but it’s not. This is a section of the body copy that you have chosen to emphasize… and it is usually done with simply bold or colored type. (not huge quote marks and enlarged type) A slight emphasis is appropriate for block quotes, otherwise it’s simply too much and disrupts the flow of reading. I also question the words you have chosen to emphasize. Would it not make more sense to choose “we cannot disassociate our health with what we eat.” That’s really what is important in that last paragraph, isn’t it? And as a standalone phrase, it actually makes sense… where the current selection does not. A block quote is usually read in sequence with the body copy… but sometimes a reader will scan the page and pick it out alone… and that’s where it’s important that it be a complete thought. Make sense?
On page 2 the columns of text are too long, they crowd that title. I wonder if you need to remove or reduce the negative space between your paragraphs? That might be a good idea, so you aren’t left with 1 lonely line of text at the top or bottom of your columns.
You are headed in good directions on all of these pages!
Tyler,
ReplyDeleteThe changes you have made speak so much better to your target audience! Nice work! The use of leading lines in the h and g in the word change in the spread works very nicely. Deleting the colored bars between images in that spread makes the design much more aesthetically appealing.
Some suggestions:
In the department article, extend the white boxes to bleed off the image so trapped space is not created. Also, the "foresight" icon is a bit large and takes too much attention away from the rest of the article. Lastly, your color palette is clearly seen in the cover and feature spread. However, the image in your department article does not fit with the palette. Maybe try photoshopping it or choose a different image?
Huge improvement overall!
Tyler, nice work on applying your updates. I see you’ve made all the changes I remember hearing from the class. I want to start off by commenting on the feature (spread) redesign. I wasn’t happy when you received the message to remove the blue background behind the images, hence to remove the blue bars, but it works. The images visually have their separation without the use of added color blocks. I think this adds a nice margin of white space.
ReplyDeleteI recommend however considering the adjustment of leading on the verbiage, “how our eating habits will.” It’s the one spot my eyes get trapped. The typography seems to be struggling to compete with the vibrant white of “change.”
One last comment on the Feature, consider adding more space where your text his hitting the blue box in the middle. You’ve left a nice amount of white space between the images and the blue box, but the text appears to reach the blue box. You might want to consider stopping the text margin at the same point you stop the images.
As for your Cover and Department, I felt they might be ready to go. I don’t have any recommendations for those two at this time. I’ll defer that to my classmates.
Hi Tyler,
ReplyDeleteI wasn't in class last week for the presentation, so I don't know what kind of feedback you got from the class. With that said, you have come a long way with your initial designs. I enjoy your color pallet because it is so different than what I think of when I I think "Habitat". I think it will engage your audience.
Cover- The first thing I noticed was that the cover does not incorporate your color palette at all. You chose not to use green in your palette, yet green is being used to highlight. I bet that orange you chose will look great in place of the green. Also, think about changing the girl's sweater color. But the way you chose to highlight the article titles is neat. Having images in the background helps the reader get a better glimpse of what the entire magazine is really about, in one quick look.
Spread- LOVE! I think it was the bright colors and the how you used the word "change" that caught my eye and made me want to read the article! I do have to agree with Michael, though. My eyessay got trapped when I read "How our eating habits will". I think because of the way the words are sitting on top of eachother. At first glance, my eyes just went to the word "change" and never read the first half of the title, and I think that's because you made thone world so insignificant compared to how you chose to highlight the word "change". ( I hope that makes sense).
Overall, your designs have come a long way! Great job!
Hey Tyler,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the cover. The color balance is good and the design is very engaging. I think you might just need some more space in the bubble pictures. The text seems to be very close to the edge.
Best,
Chris Cefole
Tyler – I agree with the above comments, these layouts are now starting to come together into well-designed compositions. Some thoughts:
ReplyDeleteDesign Brief – it’s worth looking at your color palette again, in relation to the pictures you have chosen. I really feel like, although your intention is to avoid green, your pictures can’t help but be based on green and orange. I don’t think you should avoid green for abstract reasons, when you may need it. Consider replacing the bright blue (which I don’t see in any pictures) with the green that I see on your cover. Embrace green – you can’t avoid it and still expect your colors to support the photos.
Cover – Great image of your audience. There is a comment above that suggests you use orange instead of green. But, if I’ve been successful in convincing you to replace the blue with the green… the green will make sense here. And, because they are green, the cut-lines appear to be “inside” the cover photo to some extent… exactly a clever way to work with them. However, the masthead gets lost – and using bright orange for this element (your focal point) might make all the sense in the world.
Department – Is the heading too large to sit where it sits? The “S” should really tumble down the angle of the white shape because it extends too far. Reduce it, and it will sit more logically in that place. The icon is way way way too big. That’s a great department title, but where can you place this so you’ll be able to repeat that placement in your other departments? This magnifying glass could actually into the page from a trim edge, or from the gutter of the magazine. Image – its placement and size seems a bit awkward. Have you tried to enlarge the tractor and hay wagon much larger, so both sides bleed off the page? After all – do we need to see the whole, entire thing? I don’t think so. Seeing, the back tires of the tractor and a few bales of hay – close up – might be a more interesting cropping of the image.
Feature – Replacing the bright blue with green will allow the photos to “sing” and be the focal point. Right now, the blue is actually brighter than your brightly colored photos – a waste of some good photos in my opinion. I really encourage you to update that color pallet to include green and not blue. You have set apart a “block quote” in orange at the bottom of the first page. If this were a column quote (a repeated use of a phrase) then you could possibly style it like this… but it’s not. This is a section of the body copy that you have chosen to emphasize… and it is usually done with simply bold or colored type. (not huge quote marks and enlarged type) A slight emphasis is appropriate for block quotes, otherwise it’s simply too much and disrupts the flow of reading. I also question the words you have chosen to emphasize. Would it not make more sense to choose “we cannot disassociate our health with what we eat.” That’s really what is important in that last paragraph, isn’t it? And as a standalone phrase, it actually makes sense… where the current selection does not. A block quote is usually read in sequence with the body copy… but sometimes a reader will scan the page and pick it out alone… and that’s where it’s important that it be a complete thought. Make sense?
On page 2 the columns of text are too long, they crowd that title. I wonder if you need to remove or reduce the negative space between your paragraphs? That might be a good idea, so you aren’t left with 1 lonely line of text at the top or bottom of your columns.
You are headed in good directions on all of these pages!